let this wind blow me home
by papercutsintime
Summary: what if castle didn't make it out alive? oneshot post 6x23.


**A/N: Let's pretend that there's a window in Castle's master bedroom. Let's also pretend that the accident happened closer to the end of the summer, around mid- to late August, and that the wedding had actually happened.**

**Also, after writing this, I felt that one of my favorite songs, "First Breath After Coma" by Explosions in the Sky really fit with this. Cue emotions running wild on my end upon listening to it with this.**

**I don't often write dramatic things, let alone write at all. But sometimes I get a little idea in my head that won't leave me alone until I let it out, so here it is. Constructive criticism greatly appreciated even though I don't get to write very often.**

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Oh, how she loved that red shirt on him. She liked it that time she wore it at the loft after her apartment blew up, and she liked it when she snuck it out of the loft and into her new apartment. But she liked it the most when he wore it (after stealing it back from her, of course). She loved his exposed biceps, the way the shirt clung to him in all the right places, the softness of the shirt from too many cycles in the washing machine, the way his scent seemed to have permanently woven itself into the fibers over the years.

Kate sighed happily in her peaceful slumber, burying her nose even further into his red t-shirt, smiling as she inhaled the comforting scent that was so distinctly him.

The early morning sunlight poured in through the bedroom windows, the rays fanning out across the bed. Kate groaned softly in her sleep, shifting her head.

"Castle, what time is it?" It was a soft, mumbled question, her voice gravely and still heavily laced with sleep, but in the quietness of the loft, her words seemed to pierce the silence with a deafening echo. She inhaled deeply, eyes still closed, a hint of a smile on her face.

She reached her arm out for him, eyes drifting open when she realized his side of the bed was empty.

"Castle?" Her voice was louder this time, much more alert. Swinging her legs out of bed and donning her slippers, she rubbed her eyes as she crossed the room to retrieve her robe from the chair in the corner. She would never get used to the early morning chill that began to fill the loft every September.

"Hey." She spoke quietly as she floated into the office. The smile on her face matched the warm smile in her voice as she stared at her husband looking out the window at the sun-warmed skyscrapers.

He slowly turned around, a smile spreading across his face as he held out an arm. "Hey." Rick wrapped his arms around her as they both gazed out the window, watching the sun continue to rise into the relatively cloudless sky.

"Kate, I know you don't want to go on. I know how difficult this is for you. But you can't go back down that rabbit hole. You can't let this destroy you."

"I know, but what am I supposed to do?" He could hear the doubt in her voice, the insecurity making itself known.

"What you've always done. Fight for justice. It's what you're good at." He squeezed her a little tighter.

He said nothing while she let his words permeate her mind. The silence between them was never uncomfortable, and he knew that giving her time to collect her thoughts and speak when she was ready was best.

"I can't do this without you, Rick." The sadness in her shaky whisper was enough to tell him that tears were rolling down her face.

"I'm sorry, Kate." He buried his lips in her hair, softly kissing the top of her head.

"Rick, what if- what if I can't do this? What if I fail? What if I let you down?" She spoke after another minute of silence, voice still uneven and barely audible.

"You _can_ do this. And you won't let me down. Kate, you're the best detective the Twelfth has. You brought your mother's killer to justice. I know you can do this." Tears still streaming down her face, she let his words wash over her, melting into that part of her heart that knew that nearly anything was possible with his reassurances.

"Rick. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. But I'm never far away. And Kate? I love you."

Kate's eyes fluttered open. The sunlight poured in through the windows of the bedroom, the early morning chill of autumn sending a chill through her body. She realized she was clutching his red t-shirt – she must've fallen asleep with it beside her.

She padded through the room to the office, shirt still in hand, and her heart sank when the only thing in front of the window was the sailboat sitting atop the shelves, shadows from the opaque sails casting themselves on the floor. It was all just a dream. Castle was not standing there to hold her close or help her sort out the thoughts racing through her brain. That damned shirt of his always did make her dream of him whenever she fell asleep inhaling his scent. It was comforting to her when she stole it those many years ago, and it was still comforting now.

A tear rolled down her cheek, as so many tears had over the last month. As she moved to gaze out the window, she could have sworn she heard his voice whispering words of love into her ear. A faint smile ghosted itself across her lips, and she knew that she would get through this, that she would be able to bring his killer to justice, that she would be able to keep herself afloat this time. And in that moment, she knew that he had never really left.


End file.
